Elsewhere Focus

The Steamy End of the Year…

…and the beginning of a new one.

Today is the last day of 2011. I’ll admit right now that I struggle with the proper importance of moments like these. It’s typical, I imagine, for one to write about ‘how the year went’ and ‘what I hope for in the New Year’ and all that - but I know you’ve all read crap like that before. Not that I’m trying to be ‘Mr. Original’ here, but I just feel tired with every ‘New Years’ related sentence I try to write down. So instead I thought I would take this moment to talk about something …steamy.

And no I don’t mean I’m going to talk about my sex life!

The sizzle and pop I refer to is an application called Steam. Wikipedia defines steam as:

a digital distribution, digital rights management, multiplayer and communications platform developed by Valve Corporation.

Essentially it is a downloadable client that allows you to purchase and manage PC and Mac games. I discovered Steam early in 2011 when I desperately wanted to give Dragon Age a try and stumbled upon a sale Steam was having. Traditionally I have been a console gamer, dabbling here and there in the PC game arena. Then I found Steam, created my profile (Sagejester) and purchased Dragon Age – I was blown away. Now I realize that Dragon Age was available on the 360, but not instant like a simple download, and not for that price. It got me hooked on Steam.

 What makes Steam tic? Here are some details prefaced from the site:

• Online library of over 1,100 games
• Steam community with groups, friending, chat and tournaments
• Game auto updates
• Special offers including seasonal sales

So I picked up Dragon Age, Torchlight and a few other games for pretty cheap; how could I lose?  Soon other titles would follow and I fell in love with PC gaming. With the right graphics card, I discovered a level of gaming that I couldn’t get on the console. This is not to say anything bad about the Xbox 360 or PS3. In fact, Steam got me back into video games in general. I began to look for the best of the best titles on the consoles to try to match the experience I was having on the PC. I wanted better graphics, better sound, better game play, better stories, better characters; I found myself analyzing every aspect of the production of the games I was playing.

This leads me to a bit of insight about 2011. I got into Steam which got me into gaming more which in turn (through my analysis) stepped up my expectations of what I wanted out of school. Steam introduced me to games like Dragon Age, Bioshock, Borderlands, Fallout 3, Mass Effect 2, Batman: Arkham Asylum & City. For the first time in school, I really got excited about what I might be able to accomplish when I graduated; I saw a place for myself. Although I had a hard time getting through my classes this fall, I stuck with it. Steam was a distraction, but it also helped too. So I guess you could say 2011 was pretty steamy. Hopefully 2012 will be so too.

I see a place for myself designing characters and monsters and models and assets for games and animations. I started at AAU concentrating on VFX but 2010-11 has marked a changeover to Animation with electives focused in illustration. Looking ahead to the spring semester I will be taking intro to anatomy and hard surface modeling. 2012 should be great for classes and developing my abilities.

Oh. Look. I lied. New Years crap. Well, make it a happy one, folks and put some steam into it!

Forming Habits...

...a quest of sorts.

Today marks the 30^th of December. I am almost halfway through an undertaking I embarked upon 30 days ago. I am attempting to form a habit.

 

In this blog, Kathryn Goetzke, refers to a UK Health Behaviore Research Centre study that suggests that the process of forming habits takes 66 days. Jeremy Dean of psyblog discusses the 66 day average here, and the variables involved. He indicates that habit forming is not an easy thing, and the more complex the task, the longer it takes to form the habit. I myself have always struggled with forming any kind of habit. Even the simplest of tasks have been out of my reach.

 

My focus is such that daily routines are painful for me. I cannot pin them down. Everything feels scattered to me and random. I like fast cars and traffic; static. I am at my best when things are moving too fast or not moving at all. Unpredictable staccato. Opposites, contradictions, cacophony etc.

 

Chaos is grand but I know order serves its purpose. Better still the balance between the two. What I desire here is not an order such that would seek to dominate and control. Rather, the choice to focus on the things that I want to focus on. The things that are important to me. I said before that distraction happens and will continue to happen, but what if I had more choice over when that happened?

 

I already have tools that help me, but how useful would forming positive habits be to me? To anyone with ADHD for that matter? Since we are asking questions, let's ask another one. What else can be helpful to someone challenged by ADHD?

 

I came across this video on meditation:

  

What I've done here is combine two things beneficial to ADHD. The first is forming a positive habit. The second is meditation. Both work on different aspects of my concentration. So every morning I meditate and have been doing so for 30 days straight. I will continue to keep track for 36 more days. After that it should be effortless.

 

The meditation itself hasn't been easy. I've been trying to stay focused on my breaths but my mind wanders. Some days come easier than others. Right now I'm just trusting in the process rather than spending any time getting frustrated like I would when I was younger.

 

I'll keep you posted!

Distraction Happens...

..and it will continue to happen. I have a challenge of concentration and focus. I have ADHD. I also am diagnosed with depression.

My name is Matt, and I have decided that I need -no, I feel compelled- to get some thoughts down. You see folks, I've got this whole mixed bag of impulsive urges going on that's kind of sticking it's tongue out at the reserved, quiet, shy side within me. There is a rebellion going on, Darth Vader beware. So, what I'm getting at, is that this is an honest attemt at blogging whatever comes to mind about my struggles with ADHD and depression.

but that's not all!

Oh, let's see, I'm also a student in college at AAU in Animation and VFX and have been drawing and writing since I can remember. I am geek, and proud of it. I play D&D, video games and read comic books. I am engaged to be married. 

I'm also thoroughly determined at whatever I do. My focus may be challenged, but I am a driven person. Through this blog, I hope to not only be able to share the struggles, but also to express the passion, intensity and creativity that make up who I am.

The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
-Chinese proverb

Welcome interneters.

I Wanted to Start a Blog...

but I got distracted.